My Millennial Marriage:: Praying For The O!
Lets just say it, I kind of failed on my month of marriage. I mean, three posts sure ain’t bad, but I had much higher goals set for myself. I longed for just one month where I could sit down and open my heart to you and fully immerse you in marriage. Well it turns out that August was a busy month, I mean every month is busy but my oldest started kindergarten, Jett started pre-K, and to top it all, I decided I had plenty of time to get a part time job at church. So I think it’s safe to say, yes, August was a busy month. I’ve decided not to completely end this series. However, it will not be on a continuous basis. I still hear God whispering knowledge about marriage to me everyday and I feel that it is my responsibility to share that with you.
Writing this series has taught me so much. I have lifted up your prayer requests with tears in my eyes, knowing that there are many marriages out there that are hurting so bad. The series has also taught me so much about my own marriage. Many times a post wouldn’t get written because it is unfair for me not to practice what I’m preaching.
Today, I just wanted to take the time to wrap up a few thoughts that were still lingering on my heart. And no judgement please, because most of those thoughts just happen to be about sex. I still have so many other topics to cover, but a great marriage has to have great sex. So go ahead and exit my blog or go grab a cup of coffee, maybe even a glass of wine, because its all about SEX today ladies.
Sex is a topic that always baffles me. How can one activity be so amazing and earth shaking, yet it’s also the most awkward experience to participate in. Maybe it’s just me. But I will say, after I stopped overthinking it and realized that God designed sex with a purpose, showing my husband affection became much easier.
“An unaffectionate wife can never be a wife a husband adores.” Julie Gordon, Wife School
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
No, marriage isn’t solely about sex, but it is the framework. From the start, God had planned for us to become one flesh. Sex seems to be the obvious way that two become one, where you create an unbreakable bond with your spouse. This is the bond/framework that is going to support your marriage through the times of happiness and sadness, because sex is the one thing that gives both men and women the feeling of being wanted and loved.
Society is always chatting about how men are thinking only about sex. I used to feel that if my husband is thinking about sex THAT MUCH he must be dirty-minded, which was a huge turn off. I struggled to comprehend that my husband thinks about sex much differently than I do. Ben gets his confidence and masculinity from sex. Sex is even a way for him to release anxiety, which allows him to feel comforted and wanted.
“Getting regular good sex is one of the major, if not the major reason a man marries.” Julie Gordon, Wife School
“The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you many devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
I find it so easy to tell my husband, “No, not tonight.” Often that sentence is followed by one of the following excuses: I’m exhausted, the kids were overwhelming today, the house is a disaster, I’m overbooked, or I simply need to fold laundry. Those words flow out of my mouth so easily, yet I don’t realize the damage they are doing. Telling Ben “no” is a huge rejection to his ego and shows him a lack of desire from me. The times that are the most difficult are when I am angry at Ben. I want to withhold sex as an act of punishment.
“If your husband feels rejected by your lack of sexual response to him, he may have trouble hearing what you say or seeing what you need.” Sandy Ralya, The Beautiful Wife
Having sex when you are angry with your husband almost sounds impossible, and this is where the power of prayer comes in. I was sitting in a moms group when a mentor mom described how amazing sex is when she prays prior to being intimate. I thought the idea of going to my Father in heaven to talk about sex and to pray for a orgasm (sorry, you should have known the word was coming) was just awkward and uncomfortable. But after thinking on it for a day, I made the connection that sex is such a great example of God’s love: it’s alive, it’s giving, and it’s fruitful. There should be no shame or embarrassment going to God and asking him to open you up to fully receive your husband’s love. Great sex in marriage doesn’t just happen, so pray. Try it, you will not be disappointed.