My Millennial Marriage:: It’s a Heart Problem

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It’s a month of marriage here at My Confetti Life and I am so excited to be sharing my heart with you. If you missed my introduction post, check it out here.

So before I jump face forward into the “fun” marriage topics like…ummm….SEX, I want to touch on the foundation of marriage, which is God. Without God in your marriage, it’s going to be extremely difficult to stop pursuing your own happiness and commit to loving each other forever.

It’s Not Always a Marriage Problem, Sometimes It’s a Heart Problem.

The foundation I’m talking about has to start with you, not you and your husband as a couple, just Y.O.U. You need to be right with God and your faith has to be solid. Your relationship with God is much more important than your relationship with your husband, especially considering that our marriages do not last in heaven.

Yep, you heard me right. Jesus tells us:

“At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like
the angels in heaven.” Matthew 22:30

Every time I read that my heart aches a little. I can’t imagine not being married to Ben. But when I think of us dancing in heaven in absolute perfection and clean of all sin…that is a moment that I can look forward to.

Photo by Jacqueline Redd

Selflessness

A month ago I posted a Instagram poll in preparing for this series. One of the questions I asked was, “Do you struggle with humility in your marriage?” 48% said yes and 52% said no. I was actually pretty shocked that more of you do not struggle with humility.

Being humble and wrestling with my own selfishness is one of my greatest personal struggles. It haunts me in all aspects of my married life whether it’s money, sex, time, or pride. Putting my own happiness aside is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

“We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursing our own happiness.”
You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan

With removing the selfishness brings removing all the nonsense fights, you know, the arguments that aren’t really important but are powerful enough to shake you.

Put Your Self Aside and Admire The Heck Out Of Your Man

When you are able to humble yourself, admiring your husband becomes so much easier. Men are drawn to the women who praise them, and let’s be real, there are plenty of other women in your husband’s life…and I’m not talking about his mother (that’s a conversation for another day).

“For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.” Proverbs 5:3

Men long to be our heroes and want to be admired and appreciated for what they do. But as women it is hard for us to stop focusing on what they didn’t do or what they did wrong. But humbling them is not our job:

“Let (God) humble him (and) you make him happy with your praise” Wife School by Julie Gordon

What Qualifies You To Preach To Your Husband?

Let’s face it, as women we like to preach. When I “preach” its rarely directing my husband to God, it’s usually for my own desires.

“If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn’t love others. I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal” 1 Corinthians 13:1

Do you find yourself purposely withholding love from your husband when he makes a mistake? Or when your husband messes up do you trade evil for evil?

I find myself currently trading evil for evil. My husband promised to do the dishes from dinner two nights ago. They didn’t get done because Ben fell asleep on the couch. I never said anything, but I spent two days begrudgingly walking past those dishes, not doing them just out of principle. Yes, the dishes did eventually get done (by me) and I wouldn’t say that not doing the dishes is evil, but on a more serious level this behavior could destroy a marriage.

Being passive aggressive in your marriage is never going to be effective.

I know I just gave you a written lecture. You may be feeling down about something you said to your spouse the other night or maybe you are feeling disconnected to God. But the good news is, God is always there and He loves hearing your voice.

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